The Best Policy – by: Wayne and Tamara

Direct Answers – Column for the week of July 28, 2003

How do I help a former friend let go of a friendship that’s not working for me?

This woman, I’ll call her “Anne,” is a life coach. We met last year and hit it off as friends. The problem for me is the vast majority of our conversation centered around Anne and her situation, particularly as it related to men. On and on these conversations would go about this guy or that. My honest feedback was not well received.

Prior to getting fed up with the lack of balance in our friendship, I invited her to speak at a conference I organized. The event took place last month, and Anne was just okay as a speaker. Reviews were mixed, but it was done.

Last night Anne left a message indicating she wanted me to be a referral for a potential client. I feel bad about recommending someone I no longer believe to be effective. How do I get off her calling list without being unkind?

Laurel

Laurel, in this situation truthfulness is more important than politeness. Politeness will get you more of what you don’t want more of.

Anne doesn’t take criticism, or the truth, well. She makes a good first impression, but she does not have the understanding she is trying to sell to others. Giving Anne what she wants makes you a co-conspirator with her, and that is an incongruity you cannot live with.

Just as your life must proceed from honesty, so must Anne’s. Tell Anne reviews of her performance don’t allow you to make a recommendation. If she takes offense, she is taking offense to the truth.

Tamara

Beating A Dead Horse

I am American and my husband British. We met while he lived and worked for two years in the US. When we became engaged, we discussed where we wanted to settle and that place is America. We both feel strongly about this.

We did, however, decide to move to the UK for two years for him to finish a few things and get his US green card. That is much easier to do abroad than at home, and we told his parents we would only be in the UK a short time.

My mother-in-law is a person who uses mind games to get her way. She has directly insulted America to me claiming everything from American greed to gun problems. She whines that her grandchildren will not be close to her, and she has even hung up the phone on my husband. She is a right brat!

I know it must be hard for her, and I understand, I really do. But we can’t always live around the corner, and I am starting to get angry. My husband told his family they are welcome to come stay with us for a month or longer at a time, but my mother-in-law said, “I don’t like to fly, and I don’t think I’ll like Texas!”

My husband knows his mother is a difficult woman, but he hates conflict and wants to keep the peace. My mom says keeping my cool is the best thing to do.

Kay

Kay, before you insult the royal family or British cuisine, remember your mom’s advice and keep your cool. Don’t argue with your mother-in-law. By the very act of arguing you are giving substance to her wishes. Arguing as if it is unsettled may make it unsettled.

When you give in to a difficult person, they don’t become more reasonable, they become more difficult. They think they are entitled to win all the time. Once you have moved, your mother-in-law can visit you, and if you can afford it, you can visit her.

Maybe she’ll even like Texas. Or maybe she will love to hate Texas. But either way your mother-in-law’s behavior sounds like a better argument for emigrating than for living around the corner.

Wayne

About The Author Authors and columnists Wayne and Tamara Mitchell can be reached at www.WayneAndTamara.com. Send letters to: Direct Answers, PO Box 964, Springfield, MO 65801 or email: DirectAnswers@WayneAndTamara.com.

Are Your Dreams A Day Late And A Dollar Short? – by: Richard Vegas

One of the greatest challenges facing our ever intensive quest for the impossible dream is to make it across the finish line even if it’s only by the skin of our teeth. Many outstanding accomplishments have been started just to see our vision die one foot short of the goal line. Sound familiar? Don’t get your knickers in a twist; here’s an idea.

Cry Me A River!

Have you ever experienced this? Maybe a dream or desire that you have had your heart set on suddenly drops square in the lap of some bozo that couldn’t fight his way out of a wet paper bag. Suddenly, your dream is now the property of someone else and all the nice things you used to think about that person now just took a hike.

Did you know one of the best tests of our character is when we face the fiery furnace of failure? Especially when that furnace burns up our dream just inches before we take it to the bank.

Many pursuits, that we chase, seem to stop dead in their tracks almost at the very beginning. That’s probably a blessing in disguise. If every thing we pursued, or most every thing, all came unraveled at the very end, we probably would go nuts.

Just getting that close to the prize creates such anticipation, that if almost all of them flopped, we would probably stop trying just to avoid the emotional trauma. But, life is kind to us to prevent us from putting forth that much effort, consistently, and then see our dream land in the lap of someone else.

Don’t Look A Gift Horse In The Mouth!

Now, you see, you thought life was mean to you. But, the other way of looking at it is; it spared us from getting to the one foot line and then blowing up in our face.

I am not a huge baseball fan but I heard the story of Babe Ruth and the great success he had in his career. It was a super accomplishment to have hit over seven hundred home runs in his life in the major leagues. But, he also struck out over fourteen hundred times.

There was a particular game that Babe struck out every time he got up to the plate, except the last time. And, in this game every time he got up he swung at the ball so hard that he fell in the dirt. A newspaper reporter told Babe he should not swing so hard. Babe said, “Ah, don’t pity me, pity those poor pitchers”.

Some Good News And, Some Bad News!

As I thought about my life in business I think that’s about the ratio that holds true; Two failures for every success. Some successes were gigantic, some were mediocre, and some were heart breaking. Of course the heart breaking ones are the big failures.

Some failures are labeled failures too quickly. Many times I have seen something wonderful happen long after I had destined some dream to the garbage dump. Then something happened that resurrected that puppy and seemed to breathe life back into it.

At that moment a breath of life and enthusiasm seemed to overtake me and, I found myself buzzing around like a swarm of hornets to put that dream back in the winners circle.

Dead As A Dodo!

I know this has happened to many people. But, why? Here is my personal observation. Many times we get so caught up in a situation we no longer can see the situation. Then something happens and the dream meets the deadline of death.

At that point we lick our wounds for awhile and go on to the next dream. Well, now we are out of the situation, we are not even thinking about that dream anymore. We are completely divorced from the dream and have no feelings about it one way or the other mentally or emotionally.

Maybe there is some wisdom here we need to get a hold of. Anything in this world we put more of our body mind soul and spirit into, than where they should be, stands the “chance” of being ripped out of our hands. And, when the ripping is over we realize we were only a day late and a dollar short.

A Word To The Wise!

That’s when we get into this syndrome; If only, If only, If only; the stage of regrets. Well, what’s the answer? It can be very difficult to walk a very fine line of between adequate commitment and self-serving irresponsibility. And, sometimes we have crossed that line long before we realize it.

Then the only way we find out where we are is when the dream is losing that “look of success”. If a dream is in danger of slipping away from you, the first thing I would do is an honest assessment of my commitment to it. Contrary to popular opinion, you can destroy your own dreams by setting them up as idols in your life.

I know I’ve done it. No one is slick enough to always know when they have crossed the line between adequate commitment and self-serving irresponsibility, so don’t expect to. But, look at your behavior and most of the time you can tell. I warn you; it’s very difficult to ease off if you think you have crossed the line, because of your existing momentum

Pain In The Neck!

Most of the time, the dream itself will have to back you off by showing you the signs of hopelessness; not a very empowering feeling. You will see small personality changes such as: over aggressiveness, temper outbursts, no time for anyone else, everyone else is wrong, and constantly thinking about money or the lack of it.

If any of these personality traits seem to be exhibiting themselves in you, I would bet a dollar to a doughnut you have an idol in your life. There is something that you have given your body mind and soul to and it’s turning around to bite you.

Remember earlier in this article when we talked about the person who ended up with the dream you wanted and seemly didn’t even have to lift a finger to get it? It just dropped in their lap. Do you see now what might have happened? It was one of those paradoxes of life that makes about as much sense as a screen door on a submarine…

Lighter Than Air!

It was not an idol to them. They were not possessed to the point of selling out every thing else in life that has meaning. So, the dream just flowed naturally and easily in their direction. Will it always happen this way? Don’t you wish?

But, I can leave you with this final thought. Any dream that you are pursuing right now that seems to possess your soul, turn down the fiery furnace of desire. And, even if you don’t achieve it, you won’t risk turning your personality into a Frankenstein. And, who knows, it just might drop in your lap.

Richard Vegas ©

About The Author Richard Vegas is a popular recording artist and internet marketing professional. He invites you to subscribe to his FREE weekly ezine “Wing-Tips” Teaching The Success System That Never Fails, at: http://www.1-work-at-home-based-business-opportunities.com. You may also hear some of Richard’s free music at: http://www.richardvegas.com

Live Your Own Life – by: Hifzur Rehman

Are you living your life, the way you want to live?

If your reply is in affirmative then you must be a very successful and powerful person in full command of your life and the circumstances. However, if your reply is in negative, then I am sorry to say that you are like millions of other people who are living the life being dictated by others. Is this life worth living?

Let me explain you. Our minds are being bombarded with missiles of “free information” through electronic and print media. Often without knowing, we are doing what others want us to do. Look what are you wearing, what are you eating and how are your behaving. Isn’t it not what Miss. Fashions, Miss. Slims and Miss. Manners are telling you? Blindly following someone without using your own mind and common sense can be disastrous.

We the human beings, are no more than robots in the hands of those who are in full control of our lives and are commanding us through the remote control of so-called education, guidance and information. Is this the blessing or the curse of the “information age”? You are the best judge and you know very well how this “information” is affecting your feelings, thoughts and the life as a whole. Of course, you are not you. You have lost your individuality, your creative instinct, and the unique person within you.

Only a small number of people are strong enough to take control of their own lives without being influenced or forced by others, and they are, no doubt, the most powerful and authoritative people on earth. One needs a lot of courage, wisdom and inner strength to live the life in its full bloom, in its originality, in its entirety, and in a dignified and ambitious manner. That’s the life worth living!

There is no harm in accepting guidance from others if it is meant for the improvement of life. But be cautious and remain guarded all the time so as not to trap yourself in such a situation where you become the slave of others intentions and find no way out.

No doubt, its your life and you have every right to spend it in your own individual way without any hurdles or barriers from others. Give yourself a chance to nurture your creative qualities in a fear-free and pressure-free climate.

About The Author Hifzur Rehman, the owner and editor of http://www.selfimprovement.ch is helping people in motivating them to reach their goals in life. This website provides free inspirational articles, useful tools, tutorials and other material for a better and more rewarding happy living. hrehman@selfimprovement.ch

A “Reality” Practice – by: Clive Taylor

Suggested practice to gain freedom from self-limitation.

It is suggested that what is actual and real in the world can only be experienced in the ongoing moment (by moment) and that to be fully in the moment can only happen if all ideas and beliefs about it are gone from the psyche – including the sense of “I”, of self identity.

Look at every idea, belief, or truth about life, no matter how unquestionable it may be, and ask: “Is this thing I believe, or someone else wants me to believe, actual and demonstrable to me or others? (For example, “We all have souls”: Ask, “Show me.”)

If it can’t be shown or isn’t demonstrable in any way that someone who doesn’t already believe it can experience, then just put it aside.

Not believing it or disbelieving it. (The idea being believed may actually be a reflection of what is real. Blind disbelieving can also be a manifestation of some other belief.)

(A suggested definition of Belief: “An idea of how things are that is only demonstrably real to those who hold the same idea as real.”)

The more we put aside all ideas about what is real, the more we will begin to experience and live what is real, with an increasing clarity and freedom.

It is not as easy as it may sound, because most of our ideas and beliefs are so built-in to our natures that it is almost impossible to see them.

Also, the mind can take on new ideas such as “I’m now free of all beliefs” as another belief. Our psyches are very clever at this, so great diligence and attention is needed to not be taken in by more and more subtle beliefs.

As a “spiritual” practice, this has directness, simplicity and tangible results.

It needs no acceptance of complex idea structures that we need to believe in or practice, to become “enlightened”, whatever that idea means.

It only needs our real intention for complete self honesty and the paying of full objective attention to what is in front of us.

Of course, this article also needs to be put aside and not believed or disbelieved – just pay attention to what is in front of you at any moment and discover for yourself what is actual and real.

About The Author Years of research into consciousness, zero-point physics theory, emergence theory, memes and many other new understandings coming out of mathematics and physics. Ongoing work as relationship therapist is bringing deep revelations about the nature of our psyches. Author/illustrator children’s books (e.g. I Wish My Dad Was A Pirate). Music CD (The Nothing Booth). Related web site: www.becomereal.com. For online access to unique self growth process. ctaylor@becomereal.com

Top Ten Creative Excursions for Building Effective Teams – by: Bea Fields

The ability to build effective teams is a must for any organization who wants to succeed in the millennium. This article offers ten examples of highly creative excursions which can provide insight into developing the leadership qualities essential for success in challenging times.

1. A Day Trip to the Sharper Image

The Sharper Image is a specialty retailer that is nationally and internationally renowned as a leading source of new, innovative, high-quality products that make life better and more enjoyable. Founder, Chairman, and CEO, Richard Thalheimer started this business 25 years ago with one goal in mind: to have fun!

The Sharper Image is a company that thrives on special conveniences and innovative products that sit on the cutting edge of technology. This day trip is fantastic for stimulating creativity and becoming a forward thinker!

2. A Day Trip to the Gettysburg Battlefield

A visit to this historical Civil War battlefield in Gettysburg, Pennsylvania, can be an empowering lesson in leadership. This day trip can be devoted to walking the historic site while evaluating the leadership decisions and structures that General Robert E. Lee struggled with over 140 years ago. Prior to this day trip, I recommend that those attending the trip read the book, “Leadership Lessons from the Civil War” by Tom Wheeler. It is an extraordinary book that takes a close look at the parallels between business and military strategy.

3. A Day Trip to ING Direct

With locations in New York City, NY, and Philadelphia, PA, ING Direct takes the “dull” out of banking. The facade is made of glass. On the inside are café tables and biscotti, Internet stations and mochas, and clients hanging out just for the fun of it. This innovative company invests the majority of its time, energy, and money in technology, marketing, and in making people feel proud about saving their money…and to make them feel that saving is a cool and hip thing to do. The website itself (www.ingdirect.com) is a wild and fun excursion, breaking away from the traditional and stepping way out on the edge. This day trip can create a lightning bolt effect for motivating your company to move to new levels of creativity and innovation.

4. Carnegie Hall and the Orpheus Chamber Orchestra

The Orpheus Chamber Orchestra was conceived by cellist Julian Fifer and a group of fellow musicians in the 1970s. The Orpheus process is highly unique, for this is an orchestra with no conductor. In the absence of a conductor, the individual musicians of Orpheus must rely on one another for innovation and team building. The self-governing and leadership abilities have not only made Orpheus a group of highly gifted musicians, but has built a world which teaches those who observe them to understand that a CEO never has or should have all of the answers. Central to the collaborative process of Orpheus is the sharing and rotating of leadership roles. This unique approach unleashes the talent, vision, creativity, and the leadership of each and every member of the group. Observe this group carefully, and ask your team “What is it about this group that is so compelling? How can we use their system for our success?”

5. A Week-End at Universal Studios (Orlando, FL; Hollywood, CA; Japan and Spain)

Are you having fun? I mean: “Are you really having fun?” If you are or are not, consider a journey through a week-end filled with fun, adventure, wonder, and wild times. Spend a few great days being a kid again with E.T. (the Extra-Terrestrial,) Men in Black, Jaws, Barney, and Nickelodeon. Why? In times when innovation is so crucial to success, we must challenge our teams to do the things we think we cannot do, are off-beat, or are seemingly crazy and wild to the rest of the world. Outdoor challenges involving fun, laughter, and raw adventure can spark problem solving and teamwork and can be a fantastic approach for reducing stress and incorporating fun and laughter into the corporate setting.

6. A Day Trip to NASA: The Kennedy Space Center

Want a little inspiration and motivation for building effective teams? By visiting the Kennedy Space Center, your team can witness how history and the future, nature and technology, young and old meet for an unforgettable and highly creative journey through space and time. The Kennedy Space Center tells a compelling story of how the United States built a space program that launched men to the moon and have orbited satellites that have improved our life on earth.

7. The Metropolitan Museum of Art

The Metropolitan Museum of Art, New York City, New York, has brought together thousands of works of art that display a full and extraordinary range of creativity which can enhance your team building efforts. See and hear a story of human deceit from “The Kitano Tnjin Engi Emaki,” a thirteenth century picture scroll. Open a discussion around the historic moment when General George Washington led the American revolutionary troops across the Delaware in “George Washington Crossing the Deleware.” Explore Korea’s distinctive cultural identity and the ways in which the arts of Korea have been affected by trade and diplomacy, by war and peace, and by religion and philosophy. This day trip is one that is filled with curiosity, creativity, and of seeing the perspective of people and cultures from around the world.

8. A Day Trip to Nordstrom

Outstanding customer service and Nordstrom go hand in hand. Their innovative approach has allowed them to find out exactly what the customer needs and wants and then gives it with grace and style. A family-owned business, Nordstrom considers their customers a part of their extended family, and the corporate culture supports and encourages salespeople to engage in intimate business dialogue and relationships with key vendors in each department. A visit to Nordstrom will teach you how to better respond to customer’s needs so that they will come back to you again and again and will teach you the lessons of : valuing outstanding customer service, bonding with each and every customer, and giving people on the frontline the freedom to make decisions.

9. A Four-Day Hike on the Appalachian Trail

From Katahdin in Maine to Springer Mountain in Georgia, the Appalachian National Scenic Trail wanders the ridges and valleys of the Appalachian range for more than 2,168 miles. Those who have traveled this trek return feeling much more light- hearted, saying that they no longer sweat the small stuff in life. One of the biggest benefits of walking the Appalachian trail is that you and your team will learn adaptability, and you will begin to appreciate the people and things in life that you often take for granted. Many people report that even one week of hiking is a life changing experience. They realize that a fast pace of living and that money, prestige, and power are only surface deep…that the true beauty of life lies in the secrets of nature.

10. A Day of Brainstorming

A Super S.W.O.T. Session with a communications company is a great way to offer your company a highly creative day of brainstorming. This session should be a fast-paced, deeply probing session highly designed for your organization’s best thinkers. Using easels, drawing pads, and other audio visuals, a great facilitator will keep the ideas flowing by asking you first to boil down your mission statement to ten words or less. From here, they focus on your Strengths, Weaknesses, Opportunities and Threats. These critical factors are listed, considered, and ranked to show you the three most significant factors in each S.W.O.T. category. The results are always revealing and often quite surprising. A session can require as little as three hours—on up to a full day.

About The Author Bea Fields, Southern Pines, NC, USA bea@fivestarleader.com http://www.fivestarleader.com Bea Fields is an Executive Coach and a Certified Guerrilla Marketing Coach. She is also a Consultant, Trainer, Public Speaker and author of the Five Star Leader e-course. Her area of expertise is that of Leadership Development and Marketing for Executives, Managers, Small Business Owners, and Political Leaders.

Top Ten Creative Strategies for Inspiring Creativity Where You Work and Play – by: Bea Fields

Websites, automobiles, milk cartons, living spaces. Design saturates every aspect of our lives and the difference between success and failure could be the color purple, could be the person that you talk to every morning when you wake up, or could be the amount of light that streams into your office every day.

These ten steps will support you in revitalizing your environments and will foster an amazing sense of innovation. With these strategies, creativity will become much more than a goal…it will become a way of living.

1. Start by finding out what makes you “tick” with the DISC assessment.

The DISC is a fantastic tool that can provide you with amazing insight into understanding your behavior and will help you create motivational environments and interact more effectively with others.

Are you a high D (Dominance?)- You will thrive in an environment that is fast-paced, buzzing with energy, and somewhat chaotic. A week-end in a busy city like Manhattan, Atlanta, Chicago, or Hong Kong may provide you with the motivation you need to get your juices flowing.

Are you a high I (Inspirational?)- You will thrive in an environment filled with people. A high energy convention, a mastermind group, or a cutting-edge community organization can send you to amazing new levels of success.

Are you a high S (Steadiness?)- You will thrive in a calm and consistent environment. A day in a quiet park by the water can provide you with the balance and peace that you need to get the job done.

Are you a high C (Conscientiousness?)- You will thrive in an environment that is filled with order, facts, structure, and one that focuses on tradition. A day at a wonderful book store or a historical museum will often motivate a high “C” to move to new levels of inspiration.

2. Replace your old 45s by adding Beethoven to your life.

What songs are the old records in your mind playing? “I’m not smart enough. I can’t do this. I don’t have the money. I’m not well-connected enough.” Break this pattern of negative thinking by popping in a CD of Ludwig van Beethoven. The year 1805 was a year of crisis for Beethoven, with his realization that the impaired hearing he had noticed for some time was incurable and would soon grow much worse. Did he let this stop him? Absolutely not! He actually sawed off the legs of his piano so that he could put his ear to the floor to feel the vibrations as he struck the notes of the keyboard. He came through this phase with determination strengthened and entered a new creative phase, during which Symphony No. 5 was born. Beethoven’s music coupled with his heroism can provide you with a powerful source of energy, inspiration, and a sense of pure triumph.

3. Add a punch of Red to your life!

In the practice of Feng Shui it is important to know that Red is the color of fortune as it is a color of confidence. Moreover, it attracts recognition and respect for the person who uses it. Add red candles, red roses, or red paint to your home or office and watch closely as you unleash your creative spirit and as your boldness grows to new heights.

4. Master the Master.

Jack Fields, age 13, has over 22 tournament championships and 2 holes in one under his golf achievement belt. How did he do this? By mastering the master, Tiger Woods. During his free time, Jack reads books like How I Play Golf– by Tiger Woods, In Search of Tiger: A Journey Through Golf With Tiger Woods– by Tom Callahan and Tiger Woods: A Biography for Kids — by Libby Hughes. He pours over Golf World and Golf Digest Magazine to find out what Tiger is up to, is incorporating Tiger’s diet and workout regimen, and he practices putting while watching Tiger on television during his appearances on the PGA tour. Jack’s focused study of this icon of the golfing world has stimulated him to come up with his own innovative style, quality processes, and to make smart decisions when the tournament heat is on!

5. Add an original twist to a traditional business by tapping into a hobby.

As visitors walk through the doors of Donna Lane, in Southern Pines, North Carolina, the aromas of jasmine, citrus, lemon, and roses mixed with the rich smell of coffee and mochas are enticing… making visiting this full service day spa an ideal location for renewing beauty, forgetting stress, and for getting reacquainted with old friends. CEO, Michelle Yow, is not only an expert in the field of extreme self care but is a connoisseur of fine coffees from around the world. By adding The Java Bean Plantation Coffee Company to her establishment, Michelle is able to dabble in a favorite hobby while enticing coffee lovers from her local community to take a closer look at her line of all natural skin care products. This is a clever strategy, and people love doing business with Michelle, because she is resourceful, inventive, and known for adding panache and pizzazz to a traditional business.

6. Create a feeling of warmth, comfort, and of “being home.”

Accessories reflect a highly personal touch, and they are of paramount importance in the design and décor of not only a home but a place of business. No one knows this better than David Woronoff, President and Publisher of The Pilot Newspaper (www.thepilot.com.) Breaking away from the traditional publishing design schemes, David chose hard wood floors, corian countertops, and Oriental rugs for the renovation of The Pilot, adding an element of surprise, an intimate touch, and a homey feel to the interior of this growing community newspaper.

7. Create relationships that inspire you.

Are your relationships chipping away at your creativity and your zest for life? Or, are they simply supporting you to live a life of mediocrity and of living with the status quo? Hmmm…not quite enough. By developing relationships with people and colleagues who not only support you but actually inspire you, the vacuum of success can pull you forward in a flash! Dan Askins of (www.danaskins.com) is living proof of the profound affect that positive relationships can have on your life. Dan believes that success is all about making connections with high-energy colleagues, friends, customers, and companies. By forming a marketing mastermind group and opening a full concierge service in his executive office center, Dan is quickly advancing in the world of commercial real estate development, and he is finding the courage to try innovative ways of problem solving and of approaching the challenges of both his business and personal life.

8. Play Chess.

Chess is not simply a game…it is an amazing tool for the development of the mind, and it just so happens that it is a “board game.” By adding a chess board to your home, small business, or corporation, this game can challenge you and your team to think fast, think under pressure, and to think several moves ahead. It is a fantastic game for developing vision, elements of strategic planning, and for anticipating a potential change from a customer or competitor.

9. Use your gifts and talents shamelessly.

One of the keystones of high achievement and happiness rests in your ability to exercise your talents, strengths, and gifts. As an attorney and President of a new chemical company, BenTech, Bob Friesen is a shining example of how building your life around a talent can translate into personal and career success. Bob has accessed his musical talent in a highly compelling way. With the support of a digital keyboard and his guitar, Bob has been able to use his talent to add extraordinary joy to his life, and he will soon be recording a demo of one of his many compositions. This exceptional use of talent has allowed this forward-moving professional the opportunity to play out his strengths to their fullest, which has resulted in an increase in his bottom line profits.

10. Build spaces of delight by merging the indoors with nature.

Whether it is a sun-filled breakfast or conference room, a beautiful potted plant, or a hummingbird feeder placed outside a common window, you can boost your spirits and create extraordinary joy by bringing nature into your home or office. After being challenged by the dark spaces of his basement office, Dr. Timothy Dey (www.deygroup.com) created a solution to this challenge by adding a Florida room to his home in Detroit, Michigan. Timothy now uses this room as his home office, and by filling his day with natural light, birds, trees, and all that nature has to offer, he has truly created a living and breathing environment that is warm, inviting, and truly inspiring.

About The Author Bea Fields, Southern Pines, NC, USA bea@fivestarleader.com http://www.fivestarleader.com Bea Fields is an Executive Coach and a Certified Guerrilla Marketing Coach. She is also a Consultant, Trainer, Public Speaker and author of the Five Star Leader e-course. Her area of expertise is that of Leadership Development and Marketing for Executives, Managers, Small Business Owners, and Political Leaders.

The Top 10 Creative Strategies for Moving into Action and For Getting Bottom Line Results – by: Bea Fields

Your ability to move into action and to achieve bottom line results rests in the power of your thinking. These ten strategies will support you in transforming your desires into concrete action.

1. Expose your fears.

Fear is a gift that was given to us at birth as a means of protection and to provide us with safety from harm. This innate fear often becomes distorted, and as adults, we begin to react with anxiety, sabotage, and self-defeating behaviors. Ask yourself this question: “What is my main fear? Is it fear of rejection, commitment, loss, change, or of growing up?” Once you have identified this fear, speak it out loud to one person and write it down on paper. Once you expose your fear, it is very possible to break through its control over your life.

2. Identify Your Beliefs.

Our belief system is formulated in numerous ways through our environment, family, friends, society, religion, the media, politics, and cultural influences. Quite often, negative beliefs can cause us to act in ways that actually repel success. Do you believe that “Money is evil” or “To be successful, you have to work way too hard,” or “Girls should be seen and not heard?” If so, you may be pushing away the thing that you most want in life. By identifying your negative beliefs and replacing them with beliefs that empower you, you will begin moving in a direction of lifelong success.

3. Assess your communication style using the DISC.

The DISC is a fantastic assessment tool which provides individuals with a nonjudgmental language for exploring behavior. One of the key foundations of personal and professional success lies in understanding yourself and realizing the impact that your behavior has on your life and the lives of others. This one instrument can help you be more productive, improve your communication with others, and ease conflict and frustration in all life areas.

4. NOW! Discover Your Strengths.

The strengths profile finder from the book NOW! Discover Your Strengths by Marcus Buckingham and Donald O. Clifton, Ph.D. is a revolutionary program which can show you how to discover and then develop your unique talents and gifts. One of the secrets to achieving big results and for feeling more fulfilled lies in exercising your strengths, not in dwelling on your weaknesses. This tool by Buckingham and Clifton can guide you to becoming a high performing and empowered individual.

5. Tap into your creativity.

Many adults move through life thinking “I am not creative,” and wondering “What if?” As humans, we all have the ability to be wildly creative, and sometimes, this requires practice. Through the support of tools such as “Five Star Mind” by Tom Wujec, you can begin to unlock and expand the creative potential that lies deep within you. Using puzzles, mind-mapping, word association, and the power of curiosity, you can stimulate your intuition, innovation, and creative expression. As Napoleon Hill stated “All the ‘breaks’ you need in life wait within your imagination. Imagination is the workshop of your mind, capable of turning mind-energy into accomplishment and wealth.”

6. Focus!

A good idea can become a fantastic and profitable idea when it is given true focus. Your ability to concentrate begins with removing external (phone, interruptions, and noise,) and internal (fear, worry, and doubt) distractions. Creating a brain dump is a first step in the direction of focus. By purging all that is in your mind onto paper, you will create the room you need to begin focused thinking. From here, finding a time and place to focus and choosing one priority to concentrate on will make you more productive and will start your walk to greatness.

7. Join or Start a Mastermind Group.

Did you know that Thomas Edison, Alexander Graham Bell, Henry Ford and Harvey Firestone were all members of a Mastermind Group? This group of Leaders knew something many of us do not know. They knew that the key to their success was in their ability to rely on each other for feedback, ideas, accountability, and above all…support! These men controlled much of the industry of the United States during the height of their careers. Innovation and expansion in human thought often result from teams that mentally capitalize on the principle of collaborative thinking. With spontaneous expression and interchange of thoughts with folks who are up to big things in life, a mastermind group can shift your awareness, expand your thinking, and can take you to unprecedented levels of inspiration.

8. Be devoted to extreme self-care.

You have heard it hundreds of times, but are you living it? Be devoted to a life of great sleep, daily exercise, a balanced diet, meditation, and luxuries such as massage. Begin today to formulate a plan for self care that will give you the energy to not only tackle life’s challenges but to one that will inspire you to greatness.

9. Teach what you most want to achieve.

Teaching is about sharing and using your own experiences in order that others may learn from your learning. The teaching process can also support you in developing yourself and is all about learning from other people. When we teach, we are developing, both personally and professionally, as we learn from our students, and most significantly, we are more likely to put our knowledge into action. By teaching what you most want to achieve, you will develop the knowledge and skills to take you where you most want to go in life.

10. Strive for mastery.

Mastery is defined as a possession or display of great skill or technique. By going for mastery with your goal, you will be playing a much bigger game in life, calling you to set your sights much higher. When your goal is mastery, you will be devoted to finding better ways to deliver what you offer, you will be expanding your knowledge, and you will find yourself achieving much more than you ever thought was possible.

About The Author Bea Fields, Southern Pines, NC, USA bea@fivestarleader.com http://www.fivestarleader.com Bea Fields is an Executive Coach and a Certified Guerrilla Marketing Coach. She is also a Consultant, Trainer, Public Speaker and author of the Five Star Leader e-course. Her area of expertise is that of Leadership Development and Marketing for Executives, Managers, Small Business Owners, and Political Leaders.

Game-Set-Match – by: Wayne and Tamara

Direct Answers – Column for the week of July 21, 2003

I don’t know whether to call it jealousy or insecurity. My husband and I have been married almost 30 years. Last year at my husband’s surprise birthday party, one of my friends asked who a certain woman in the room was.

When I asked why, she said, “She and your husband have been making eye contact all night, and he seems to be paying her a lot of attention.” From there on I started watching the behavior between them.

My husband participates in a sport with this woman’s husband, and at times we are all together. Each time I noticed more and more eye contact between them. Just to be sure I was not imaging things, I asked my sister. She thought with the looks they gave each other, something might be going on.

Late one evening, I confronted my husband. He replied, “Don’t be ridiculous.” He said he loves me and goes to participate in the sport and that is all. He was furious. I told him I loved him too, but I also said my first warning was to him, the next will be to her, and thereafter to her husband. He said if something is going on, it is all on her side.

At the next sporting event, this woman avoided me like the plague. It was like she was scared to death of me. Obviously someone told her something. When I asked my husband if he had, he said no.

Now even though I did nothing wrong, I am very uncomfortable around this woman. I have three decades invested in this marriage and love this man dearly. Still it is hard to get past this and be friends with this woman again.

Helene

Helene, you didn’t smell perfume on your husband’s shirt or see lipstick on his collar. All you found was a woman publicly flirting with your husband. Possibly she flirts to make herself feel good, with no real desire behind it. But when the word got out, she stopped.

You did three things. You let your circle of friends know you are an observant woman who defends her territory. You let your husband know you will confront this issue head on. And if anything was going to happen, you dumped water on the embers.

Mission accomplished. Now the key is to drop this. If the situation has stopped, let it go. If you let it go, your husband may even take it as a compliment. You have let him know how much you desire him.

With the other woman, you don’t need to be her enemy and you don’t need to be her friend. Talk to her as you would to any other slight acquaintance. Hold your head up high as a confident married woman who will not allow anyone to sneak around behind her back.

Wayne & Tamara

Her Proposal

I am a 21-year-old female in a committed relationship with a man I love and want to marry. We plan to live together when I go to graduate school. My dad says he can’t imagine me finding a sweeter, better man who loves me so much.

Now I’m worried about the whole living together thing because studies say that living together leads to divorce, and I don’t want to lose him! His dad is concerned he will be tied down, and we will have kids. I don’t see that happening anytime soon! I feel ready to marry now, and I don’t want to lose him.

Daryl

Daryl, even if you believe the research on living together is valid, you need to realize that marriage does not prevent divorce, abuse, infidelity, or unhappiness. If you are afraid moving in together will stop a wedding, then don’t live with him. But if you want to marry him because you think you will lose him, then he isn’t yours to have.

Wayne & Tamara

About The Author Authors and columnists Wayne and Tamara Mitchell can be reached at www.WayneAndTamara.com. Send letters to: Direct Answers, PO Box 964, Springfield, MO 65801 or email: DirectAnswers@WayneAndTamara.com.

Doubting Your Way To Success!….Ridiculous…..Oh? – by: Richard Vegas

Ever had a problem with doubts? Ever felt that nagging feeling down in the pit of your stomach that says, “It ain’t gonna happen this time”? Have you ever wanted to throw in the towel and just quit? If so, you’ve experienced having your head full of doubts. Here is the good bad and ugly.

A Horse Of A Different Color!

What is a doubt? It’s a state of disbelief or distrust. Well, can disbelieving in our goals and dreams ever be good for us? Have you ever considered this? You can have a doubt without having a doubting way of life.

Put another way; you can have doubt in your head with faith in your heart. In the heat of battle your head can be spinning like a top, jumping up and down, turning flips so fast that if you were doing on the outside what you are doing on the inside your clothes couldn’t hold you in.

Hard And Fast Rule!

Having a doubt in your head doesn’t make you a doubter. Doubt encourages rethinking of a matter, its purpose is to sharpen your mind rather than to change it. Your doubts can force you to ask yourself a question, look for an answer and then take action.

Doubts should not become a condition that stays with us like stink on a skunk. It’s perfectly normal for doubts to come and go. The tendency of doubts is to slow us down and give time for reflection on some issue. It will keep us poised at the starting line ready to blast off, but, there will be no motion till we get the all clear.

Conventional Wisdom!

Our doubts should have a purpose. They should always make us want to learn the truth. Don’t ever get too close and buddy up with your doubts. They’re natural tendency is to come and go, let em go when they do. Be quick to believe when you find reasons to do so.

If you ever find yourself holding on to nagging doubts after you have uncovered valid reasons to believe, shoot yourself in the foot. Nah, I’m kidding, don’t you dare do that. Let your doubts be a way of responding to a situation, not a way of life.

There will be times when you will struggle desperately to be faithful to what you know is true, because your feelings will try to make alphabet soup out of what you know is true. Take encouragement from the fact that everyday millions of people struggle with doubts. You don’t have any corner on that market.

Time Will Tell!

Use this as a yardstick to determine if you are idolizing your doubts. Your doubts should be honest and always directed toward a solution that you can believe; not, settling into them for the winter. And, remember this, it is better to doubt out loud than to believe in silence.

Force yourself to verbalize your doubts so you can hear what you are saying. Doing that may make you want to give yourself a good swift kick in the rear. You may find that what you are distrusting is disgusting. Times like that are when the cycle of doubt seems to go.

But, don’t hold on to them; they will be more than happy to hang around you till you take a long walk off a short pier. And, verbalizing them gives your reason a chance to step up to the plate and neutralize the fear that’s holding you back.

Use Your Head!

The three steps to convince your doubts to take a hike are these. (1), Ask yourself questions! Remember to do this audibly. The questions you ask yourself are to cause you to focus on the “facts”. Keep this in mind! You are not trying to change your belief; the purpose is to sharpen your mind.

You want the ability to make decisions that are in your favor and that’s where the questions come in. Questions that are in search of the truth are perfectly normal response doubts. The doubts that are detrimental, i.e., becoming a way of life, are the ones that you lovey dovey up to after you have settled the second step.

(2), Find an answer! Once an answer is determined, is no sign that the doubts will wear out their welcome. In fact, they probably will give you just as many opportunities to doubt your answer and then the cycle starts all over again with the next set of circumstances.

Bet Your Bottom Dollar!

Now, this is the critical junction: at this point you must step back and say wait a minute. This crap could go on forever, and, it could if you let it. The purpose of the three steps is to make sure you have discovered all the facts. Once the facts have come to light then you should find your answer with bated breath.

If the best answer is not clear then go back through the question steps till they are. You must not allow an answer to go unfound. It’s there no matter what the situation. Life never leaves us with no way out or answers to our questions. It might make you feel like you’re only a little bit pregnant, but keep looking, it’s there.

At The End Of The Day!

(3), The most important of the steps! Once the answer is discovered, start taking action. And, remember this; you still may have some doubts till the goal or dream has completed. But, they will diminish as you are moving toward the goal line. But, they will get hotter than a nanny goat in a pepper patch if you sit still.

Richard Vegas ©

About The Author Richard Vegas is a popular recording artist and internet marketing professional. He invites you to subscribe to his FREE weekly ezine “Wing-Tips” Teaching The Success System That Never Fails, at: http://www.1-work-at-home-based-business-opportunities.com. You may also hear some of Richard’s free music at: http://www.richardvegas.com. webmaster@1-work-at-home-based-business-opportunities.com.

Nothing In-Between – by: Hifzur Rehman

Are you on the right track?

Stop for a while, look at the map, see the directions, consult someone, seek guidance and then start your journey towards success with full confidence, without the slightest doubt of being derailed.

There is a marked difference between a successful person and a failed one. Their tracks are completely different from each other leading to different destinations; the destination of success and the destination of failure. Either, one can be on the right track of success or on the wrong track of failure. There is nothing in-between. If one is on the wrong track, he can never achieve success, no matter how much effort he puts in.

The number one secret of success is to keep oneself on the right track. A very sharp, bright and clear picture of destination is a great motivation for an enthusiastic person to remain vigilant and keep himself focused on the right track against all odds and hurdles.

It’s true that nothing can be achieved without hard work but hard work alone cannot guarantee you success. The world is full of poorly paid unskilled laborers who are working hard but not getting enough reward. Working hard without planning is just like taking an elevator from the middle of a multi-storey building without knowing the direction it might take. It can take you to the top floor or ground you in the basement.

Most people are unable to set goals merely because they have no future vision, no big dreams and no specific success plans. These poor, miserable people have no choice but to follow the crowd aimlessly. The sad part of the story is that the crowd is getting bigger and bigger day-by-day without having anyone to lead them to the right track. These directionless people are worthless because they cannot commit themselves fully to the task they are assigned to. No wonder, these people are often fired by their employers, remain mostly unemployed, live on social welfare and other charities, broke in the end and eventually buried under heavy debt.

One needs to distinguish between right and wrong; success and failure. There is absolutely nothing in-between. The sooner you select the path of success, the better. Once you are on the right track, you only need to motivate yourself to keep on moving towards the final destination of success.

About The Author Hifzur Rehman is the owner and editor of a wonderful website www.selfimprovement.ch This site has been developed for YOU to succeed in every aspect of your life. Please take a tour of the site and see how you can benefit from the inspirational articles, tools, tutorials and other useful information provided therein. hrehman@selfimprovement.ch